far more than a dinner invite

1.

my fear is that 
we'll all gather at the table 
and i will still be 
the 
loneliest one 
there. 
every one will have their 
someone 
and i will have 
no one 
to keep their 
hand on my knee
assuring me of 
my safety. 

2.

i asked if she would be there 
because i only want to 
come and eat 
i did not come to 
compete. 

3.

i want to go 
i do not want to go