without.

the honest truth of it is,
i am tired.
i am beyond weak, 
dried up, 
and in search of living Water. 
my body is failing me in 
all sorts of ways
knee deep in depression-
i can't fight it on my own
[when could i?]
my eyes hurt
and they are broken once again-
requiring surgery 
sooner rather than later. 
and this life-
forming inside my womb
fighting to grow, 
to become. 
a heart beat beneath mine
i love 
but i am still tired. 
God, i don't know if 
i can do all of 
this. 
you know i am the weakest of 
your sheep
maimed and full of blemish. 
i just need You to carry me. 
i can't do it. 
i just can't. 
everything is so quiet 
and your silence communicates to me 
i am alone, 
although i know that is 
not true. 
i know you are very real, 
very present. 
i know your strong arms are tucked 
below mine
as i drag myself across the desert floor. 
i am so thirsty, Jesus. 
just a sip
of Your living Water
please.