honey

your hair has gotten so long!
as he casually pulled his chair
up to my eye ball. 

it hurts. i can't see out of it. 
i am frightened once again 
at what this means. 

it looks beautiful,
him, the doctor 
still referring to my hair, 
as my knuckles turn white 
as he shines a piercing light 
directly into my soul 

you have a babe inside of you.
you need surgery.
we will wait till after baby is born,
the risk to him is too high 
with all the drugs we will have to 
put in you during operation. 

my heart tightens. 
at least i have an answer. 
i cannot allow myself to get overwhelmed 
with the idea of 4 little children 
who need me-including one tiny infant 
all while getting yet 
another eye operation. 
it is all almost too much. 

the lights come back on, 
doctor taps my knee gently 
giving me further instruction..
he takes time to chat with olive 
about this and that
and he tells me again, 
you look beautiful, 
and i think that means 
keep your head up, kid. 
you will make it through another one...

-apply honey in between heaping salt in wounds