.

my heart has been 
sloshing around with 
tears that keep escaping along
the rim.
tears spilled 
for my son who has 
been mistreated and 
humiliated by bullies 
at school.
i wish i could protect him
from all the evil.
i can't.
tears spilled 
for the ocean stretched between 
my husband and i, 
how i long for us to meet 
at the lighthouse 
tucked amidst the fog
but we haven't even started 
swimming.
we are two islands.
tears fall at this overwhelming feeling
of failure. of weakness.
of burdens heavy and dark.
i am watching my home crumble, 
fall apart, 
taut with chaos
and i am frozen, 
paralyzed
where is my footing 
and where is the next sure spot
that won't lead dangerously 
to the edge. 
i have doctors and nurses
with concern in their eyes
gently coaxing, 
the medicine.
it will help you.
why the hesitation?
i don't know why
i wrestle.
as much as this boy growing 
inside me
is stretching my body and soul
in every direction, 
i want to protect him too.
i don't want him exposed to 
unknown substance.
i am crying because i 
simply don't know. 
what to do.
i am full of anguish and despair. 
Lord, Lord. 
it is all i can do to just 
call out Your name.
come to my aide.