"you're too much," your eyes said to me disdainfully. 

"way too much energy," your mouth kept moving. 

i was bewildered and hurt by your words 

because i did not understand how i was displaying 

too much of anything when i was simply 

showing warmth and kindness to you 

after not seeing you for a long time. 

i remember now, why that is. 

you continued to tease and laugh at me, 

making me feel smaller and smaller, 

i wished i could disappear right there on the 

spot, but i just stood there against the wall, 

hoping it would swallow me up. 

you must have noticed my discomfort 

slightly,

because you proceeded to grab my head and yank it 

against your chest, my hair spilling out of your fingers, 

and you laid a sloppy kiss on my head. 

i hated every second of that. 

what were you saying about too much?

I mumbled i needed to go get a drink, 

anything but be here, after feeling verbally insulted 

and uncomfortably accosted..

i blindly made my way over to the high top table 

and there in front of the Lacroix, 

my tears started to spill. 

I stood there, as another kind friend stood with me, 

making me feel less alone, as i tried to gather myself. 

i could not. 

so i excused myself, trying to leave the room 

as the smell of taco meat and lime wafted in the air

oblivious to my plight. 

I escaped to the prayer room, 

and tucked myself behind the curtain 

finally allowing the dam to break. 

i realized why her words cut me so much. 

it was a trigger from high school and middle school 

from being told those very same words 

countless times. 

"you're too much."

"way too loud and energetic."

"settle down."

"tone it down."

all of this and more translated to me, 

you are taking up too much space 

and you don't deserve to do so.