when did you stop kissing me goodbye
in the wee hours of the
morning
on your way to work?
you slip out so quietly,
i almost don't hear you.
except i do
and wonder why the kiss
never landed on my
forehead..
__________________
when did you stop opening the door for me?
we have four kids now,
one that needs help buckling,
an infant that needs snapping into the base
and two older kids
that somehow always enter into the
vehicle, a heated debate that needs
moderating-
not far from them.
i understand that it probably wouldn't make sense
for me to just stand there next to
the door, waiting like a naive lass,
for my chivalrous knight to await me
hand and foot..
but still,
i miss it when you do that.
________________________
and when did we stop going on dates,
dressing up and putting on shoes with sharp laces
slipping on my best
matching top & bottom underwear
all in glorious anticipation of
spending luxurious time together,
just us,
just you and me,
holding hands,
feet beneath the table
shuffling against one another,
on purpose.
when did this become an old bone
discarded on the back burner..
i miss these rich evenings.
__________
but mostly, i miss you.
i miss our marriage, alive and well,
not what it is at the moment-
a matter of survival,
just two life long committed friends,
doing life together.
i hate that phrase.
we are not
just. friends.
we are lovers.
we are husband and wife.
you are my person.
i am madly in love with you
and all the mushiness that people barf over
and roll their eyes at-
i have all that and more towards
you, my love, my secret keeper,
my safety, my soul mate.
please. let us not stop with the small things.
let us not stop with the snuck-in
lingering hugs
between bed times and numerous cups of water
that the littles claim they need.
let us not stop with the stolen glances
across the dinner table of
flat tasting frozen corn dogs
and green peas that will not get touched with
a ten foot pole, no matter
if dessert is promised.
yes, we are parents.
yes, we have great tasks and responsibilities
that will forever call our names
we will be pulled in
all the directions
but please.
let us always find our way back to each other.
to the arms of a lover, a friend,
a soul mate.
i love you and you are mine
and i am yours.
forever.
these small things
we will discover that they
were indeed,
big things.
4 comments:
So get it and recently was right there. The part about loading up the car made me smile because yes just the same here! Stay the course. Keep moving toward one another. Acts of love and care might look different but receive with grace.
I’m over here blubbering like a fool, these words were written so so well... it is art 🙌🏼🙌🏼 And makes people feel... I’m sure there is a world of people who resonate with you and this Jana, thank you for sharing. You’re the best writer.
Marguerite,
thank you for your encouraging words. i liked how you said, stay the course. we continue to swim towards each other and as we get used to this new life, there is room to fall in love again. thank you for being one that has gone before and i can learn from.
oh chelsea. its the hard yuck stuff that i am sometimes ashamed of, but its real, and it does't have to end here. i know it won't always be like this. thank you for encouraging me as a writer. i love you.
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