i always thought white beauty 

was the best beauty. 

because who would want

skin that drinks at night

hair that is a wild raven

body that is damp soil.

i place curses on my flesh

call them diets

tell my ancestors

they are ugly.

we are ugly. 

i claw at my hips, my generous stomach that was 

meant 

to cradle a life.

i am dying

to be beautiful.

but beautiful is something

i thought

i could never be.

-messages i've been hearing since 1st grade.