Monday, October 24, 2016


the gracious thing to do 
would have been to 
wait patiently 
till the conversation was through-
even at the cost that it might 
not have made it 
to you
and your hope for some 
conversation of 
your own. 
the self centered thing would be 
to maneuver your way in 
what ever 
the cost 
to get your time in 
a chance for 
you to talk 
and yes, 
you would get it, 
but that would push others out 
and end their conversation 
and he would listen to you, 
of course 
[he is gracious]
but maybe next time 
think before you act, 
try and choose the unselfish, 
thoughtful thing
which ever one 
allows humility 
to shine the most.
not you, 

and i'll keep digging 
and digging 
beneath the 
layers and layers 
for the rich treasure of 
i have 
so far 

-humility is a life long pursuit 

Saturday, October 22, 2016


i read one of my poems 
to my mom 
[i hardly ever show them to her, 
let alone read one to her]
and when i was finished
she didn't speak for a moment 
because her eyes were filled 
with tears. 
she said to me 
"share these. 
put them in a book. 
share them."

-this was the last place i thought i would 
get affirmation, and for some reason 
it meant more 

Wednesday, October 19, 2016

wednesday visits

another wednesday 
r o l l s around 
i have grown not to mind it 
the weekly check up 
of my eye. 
doctor always comes in 
both eyes on me 
he means business 
but there is always room for 
a little laughter
a little encouragement 
a little more 
he rolls his chair towards me 
his large machine hung between us.
he tells me to place my hands 
on the small square table
[he needs me stable and still] 
and his hands  
rest over mine 
for just a moment 
and then move on. 
he checks my eye 
with a slow thoroughness 
a tedious care, 
commanding me to 
hold my eye at attention
directing with a 
"look left!"
"look lower left!"
"look down"
until it seems 
 my eye has traveled 
around the sun and back. 
he pulls back after 
mumbling softly 
to his scribe 
who is recording all 
the present developments 
he asks me how i'm doing 
with the drops 
and i don't have it in me 
to lie 
so i tell him the truth
knowing i will probably be 
yelled at. 
of course he doesn't really 
yell per say, 
but i do get a good 
it is a wake up call for sure 
i am taking those eye drops 
for a reason 
and just because we've been given 
all this good news so far 
doesn't mean my eye is 
out of the water 
and everything will be ok. 
i am the first to proclaim 
that i am not guaranteed 
my eye back. 
he reminds me of that too-
scar tissue could form on the back 
of the eye 
which could pull back the retina 
and detach it.
i cringe beneath his solemn correction,
but again, 
my heart is full of gratitude to be 
given a doctor who gives 
even one or two shits 
about me and my little 
insignificant eye. 
i've been coming for weeks now, 
always hoping for good news, 
but ever lingering on the thought 
it might not be. 
nothing is given. 
i am absolutely entitled
to nothing. 
there have been an abundance of 
gifts the 
gentle generous 
Father has given 
throughout this 
difficult season of darkness. 
He is been 
so faithful 
so kind 
and my gratitude only grows. 
wednesdays have become 
marking another notch in this season 
measuring the climb 
back up to the light. 
today was 
actually fun-
there was room for chit chat 
we find out doctor G 
has a 14 year old son 
and i like that bit of news 
because it makes him more human, 
it means there can only be 
more softness in him..
and i know his lovely wife is 
brown like me- 
and who knew i could have 
even just a small something
in common 
with my eye surgeon?
i walk in thankfulness. 
a hope placed in my Father, 
the Great Healer, 
the One who knows 
my name,
and i am humbled 
at where i have been taken
to the depths below, 
but oh how glorious 
is the Light! 


you're going to sit down 
for a modest lunch 
and while you both 
are waiting for your food 
to arrive 
you are going to plop your heart
and its entirety  
on the table 
and he will sit there and listen 
and listen 
some more 
and you will both sort through 
the shit 
that long since 
should have been 
thrown away 
by now. 
[it stinks]
he will talk some 
and you will listen 
you will throw fast balls 
and he will catch them 
mid air
he will pour salt in your wounds 
and it will hurt like hell 
but the stinging will 
and you will 
my prayer is that you both will 
walk away 
having washed this entire conversation down
with cups and cups of 
Living Water 
and it will have been one of the best 
lunch meetings you've had
in a long 

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

school lunches

i had this plastic lunch bag
that smelled like sour milk
no matter how many times i cleaned it out-
i always wanted just plain
brown paper bags
like most of the other kids in our class
but my mom was frugal
and did not believe in waste.
so i had this bright pink
lunch sac with black zippers
and a side compartment
to shove silverware from home.
i also had an assortment of
each food item had to have its place
a flat square piece for gross
peanut butter & jelly sandwiches
that were mostly
soggy jelly sammies
with the peanut butter soaked in-
all that was mostly left
was peanut remnants
[i now to this day only purchase
creamy peanut butter,
i will not eat crunchy]
there was a container for beverages too-
did i get regular juice boxes-
or even better
capri suns like all the other cool kids
in first grade?
no. my mom filled my drink container
with milk
that ended up being luke warm and
tasting like plastic
[probably the BPA seeping]
by the time lunch rolled around.
sometimes i would forget my lunch 
on purpose
because then the teacher would
ask the entire class to pitch in
any extra items they would be
willing to share with me-
the starving brown orphan
and to my delight,
my first grade peers were quite generous.
my desk would be piled high
with all sorts of glorious delicacies that
i would never 
dream of finding in my own 
lunch pail.
oreo cookies,
fruit roll ups,
gold fish crackers,
fruit snacks,
even the occasional
fun sized candy bar!
i forgot my lunch 
too many times
and the showering of delicious treats
was short lived.

crying is the way home:
it bathes us, 
moisturizes us, 
waters the ground at 
our feet, 
where birds have been 
dropping seeds 
from the next house and county--
so who knows what may grow?

-Anne Lamott