Thursday, November 9, 2017

arsenic sauce

please don't give me
your half hearted
sloppy strung together 
words
and call it a compliment..
i can see right through it 
and we both know 
it is a backhanded 
insult, dripping with 
condescension..

i don't like it.
a respectful
no thank you. 


Monday, October 30, 2017

.

my heart has been 
sloshing around with 
tears that keep escaping along
the rim.
tears spilled 
for my son who has 
been mistreated and 
humiliated by bullies 
at school.
i wish i could protect him
from all the evil.
i can't.
tears spilled 
for the ocean stretched between 
my husband and i, 
how i long for us to meet 
at the lighthouse 
tucked amidst the fog
but we haven't even started 
swimming.
we are two islands.
tears fall at this overwhelming feeling
of failure. of weakness.
of burdens heavy and dark.
i am watching my home crumble, 
fall apart, 
taut with chaos
and i am frozen, 
paralyzed
where is my footing 
and where is the next sure spot
that won't lead dangerously 
to the edge. 
i have doctors and nurses
with concern in their eyes
gently coaxing, 
the medicine.
it will help you.
why the hesitation?
i don't know why
i wrestle.
as much as this boy growing 
inside me
is stretching my body and soul
in every direction, 
i want to protect him too.
i don't want him exposed to 
unknown substance.
i am crying because i 
simply don't know. 
what to do.
i am full of anguish and despair
Lord, Lord. 
it is all i can do to just 
call out Your name.
come to my aide.





anti anxiety

every once in a while. take off your
life. and rest. 

-nayyirah waved

_______________________

a quiet and modest life brings 
more joy 
than the pursuit 
of success bound with 
constat unrest. 

-albert einstein

_______________________

if you prepare your heart,
you will stretch out your hands 
towards him.
if iniquity is in your hand,
put it far away,
and let not injustice dwell
in your tents.
Surely then you will lift
up your face without blemish;
you will be secure 
and will not fear.
you will forget your 
misery;
you will remember it as
waters the have 
passed away.
and your life will be brighter 
than the noonday;
its darkness will be like 
morning.
and you will feel secure, 
because there is hope;
you will look around
and take rest in your 
security.
you will lie down, 
and none will make you 
afraid;
many will court 
your favor...

-Job 11.13-19

-

Tuesday, October 24, 2017

Rich Raspberry Chocolate Vegan Tart, aka Hannah Tart

i affectionately call this the Hannah tart, because my newish friend Hannah came over, along with her hearty husband John and their tiny blueberry eyed boy Judah for dinner. Hannah had this round shaped white tupperware that she had tucked beneath her arm, and i asked if i could peek inside.

i don't know what i was expecting, but then i took a look inside, my breath was taken away. i mean, i literally gasped! inside was this gorgeous chocolate tart that looked like martha stewart herself made it, it was stunning and i thought hannah must have secretly worked as a pastry chef in some former life-that's how beautiful this tart was!

it. was. delicious. after we all shared hearty steaming bowls of sweet potato masaman, we cleared the dishes scraped clean, the kids ran off to play, and hannah's tart came out.

it. was. amazing. rich, chocolaty, bites of swirled in raspberry preserve as well as fresh berries strategically placed on top. the crust was crumbly and gritty, not too dry, but the perfect balance to the decadent ganache it held.

do you ever think sometimes the more delicious a food is, the harder it must be even to make? well i do, and i thought i would never get to eat it again because there's no way i could make something this delicious. hannah kept saying otherwise. "it is so simple and easy, jana! you can make it! i've already made it a few times and it's perfect for my gluten free and vegan friends!" my jaw dropped. what did she just say? this  mouthwatering dessert that tasted like buttery, flaky, chocolaty goodness had NO eggs, butter, or even flour or milk in it? how how?

hannah promised she would share her recipe with me. and she did. that very night.

i would have waited, but literally the next day, i went to the store and picked up the ingredients she mentioned. the only thing i didn't have to purchase was raspberry preserves because i already had some-that i made myself! i like to naively think this added the bengali mama touch to the tart ;) but mostly all credit goes ti hannah for sharing and introducing me to this delightful tart.

let's get on with the recipe, shall we?

you'll need:

2 cups of fresh raspberries 
1/2 can of coconut milk, the fatty kind:)
1 tbsp of pure maple syrup
1/4 cup homemade raspberry preserves-otherwise i recommend bonne maman 
1 1/2 cups almond flour
6 oz semi sweet chocolate, chopped
1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1/4 cup coconut oil
pinch of salt 

now i wish i had one of those beautiful tart pans which is perfect for this recipe,  but unfortunately i could not find one in time, so i just used a thin pie pan that i found at the dollar store and it worked just as well. i just wanted to be able to pop it out like i saw hannah do, and i was still able to do that. 
this is optional. I'm sure you can leave it in what ever pie die dish you choose:)

ok onto the recipe...

1. in a bowl, mix together melted coconut oil, almond flour, cocoa powder, and a pinch of salt. 
when  it's kind a wet muddy consistency, you can pack it into your pan with your fingers. this will be your delectable crust.  set aside. i popped mine in the fridge.

2.  in a different bowl, put the semi sweet chocolate in. in a small sauce pan, heat up the fatty coconut milk just to a boil. turn heat off. let it sit for a minute and then pour it over the semi sweet chocolate. magic happens. mix until you see a gorgeous shiny ganache take form.  scoop in raspberry preserves and swirl on in.

3. pour filling into prepared crust. pop fresh raspberries on top in a pretty garnish. chill for a few hours. 

4. serve to all your friends. 


Tuesday, October 17, 2017

i said no.

i am beginning to
grow 
more familiar
with the word 
no.
fond of it 
actually.
who knew it would 
bring 
freedom 
rather 
than 
restriction

.boundaries.