Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Lamentations 3

i am the man
who has seen 
affliction
under the rod of 
his wrath;
he has driven and 
brought me 
into 
d a r k n e s s
without 
any light;
surely against me 
he turns his 
hand
again and again 
the whole day 
long.
He has made my flesh 
and my skin 
waste away;
he has broken my 
bones;
he has besieged and enveloped me 
with bitterness and 
tribulation;
he has made me dwell 
in darkness 
like the dead of 
long ago.
He has walled me
about so that i 
cannot escape;
he has made my chains 
heavy;
though i call and cry for help,
he shuts out my prayer;
he has blocked my way 
with stones;
he has made my paths 
crooked.
He is a bear
lying in wait for me,
a lion in 
hiding;
he turned aside my steps
and tore me 
to pieces;
he has made me desolate;
he bent his bow and set me 
as a target for his arrow.
He drove into my 
kidneys
the arrows of his 
quiver;
i have become a laughingstock of 
all peoples,
the object of their taunts
all day long.
He has filled me with bitterness;
he has sated me with 
wormwood.
He has made my teeth
grind on the
gravel,
and made me cower 
in ashes;
my soul is bereft of 
peace;
i have forgotten what 
happiness is;
so i say,
"My endurance has 
perished;
so has my hope from the 
Lord."
Remember my affliction and 
my wanderings,
the wormwood and the gall!
My soul continually 
remembers it 
and is bowed down 
within me. 
But this i call to mind,
and therefore 
i have hope:
The steadfast love of the Lord
never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
The Lord is my portion, 
says my soul.
therefore i will hope in Him.
The Lord is good to 
those who wait 
for Him,
to the soul who 
seeks Him.
it is good that one 
should wait quietly 
for the salvation
of the Lord. 
it is good for a man 
that he bear 
the yoke in his youth. 
Let him sit alone 
in silence
when it is laid on him;
let him put his mouth 
in the dust-
there may yet be hope..

_______________________

my eyes flow with rivers 
of tears
because of the destruction
of the daughter of 
my people.
my eyes will flow without 
ceasing,
without respite,
until the Lord from heaven 
looks down and sees;
my eyes cause me grief
__________________________

i called your name , o Lord,
from the 
depths of the pit;
you heard my plea ,
do not close your ear
to my cry for help!
You came near when i called on you;
you said, 
do not fear!
You have taken up my cause
O Lord;
you have redeemed 
my life.

Monday, September 26, 2016

it never really was
about me, was it. 

_____________________

everything you do is
not an extension of service 
but of self. 

__________________




walk with me

i do not like who i become 
when i am with you. 
i am not strong enough 
to fight against 
your discontentment
push back against your 
deeply rooted 
insecurities. 
i hear your voice 
dripping with bitterness and 
and your eyes 
volleying left to right 
piercing with 
comparisons. 
i desperately want to find 
even a shred of 
connection 
with you 
so i find myself 
weakly saying, 
me too, 
when that itself 
fights against 
everything i am as 
a person 
and what i hold
dearest. 
my life is 
a life of gratitude 
continually 
counting the gifts
in my palms 
[that i never deserved in the first place] 
i would not dare 
consider myself 
entitled to 
anything, 
and yet, 
here i sit next to you
and i hear with 
horror 
the disdain in my voice 
matching yours. 
i don't like it. 
it makes me feel icky
and it reminds me 
why i don't like to 
wollow in 
un happiness. 
i am more than joyful 
with my 
little house with chipped paint 
and no bathtub. 
i am in love with my 
hard working husband 
who sacrifices a lot 
to give me the gift of 
staying at home 
full time.
yes, he works more than most-
but how we all the more 
cherish our time together 
as a family.
and yes, i don't have a pile of 
friends who
puff me up with empty praises
and prop me up with 
popularity. 
i do have just a 
few good women 
who speak truth and kindness to me 
and will walk with me 
at my weakest. 
so yes, i AM thankful. 
i AM full of gratitude. '
i DO choose joy, 
unwavering and steadfast. 
and my prayer for you 
is that you can learn it too. 
please, please, 
don't pull me down with you, 
but climb up here 
with me 
where the Light 
can shine in. 


Monday, September 19, 2016

doctor yosef

he's a fiery sturdy guy
with fingers sharp with 
p r e c i s i o n 
and a tongue to 
easily match.
a gold star of david 
dangles from his neck
hiding amongst 
olive skin and 
coarse black hair. 
he always always looks me 
in the eye 
when speaking
like an arrow meeting its target 
every time
i know i can trust him. 
he will not ever 
sugar coat or coddle me,
but i wait for the 
tender 
compassionate side to 
slip out eventually-
it always does. 
he sings while he is 
wrist deep 
in my eye 
his tools doing a 
perfectly 
choreographed dance.
he roars at me to 
stop moving
and though it hurts 
my heart 
to get snapped at
i know the compassion is 
just beneath 
and i can hold onto that. 
he pries open my eye 
week after week 
checking for progress 
checking for hope. 
he never makes
empty promises 
and keeps everything real 
as the flesh 
that holds my body 
together.
there is no lofty dreaming or 
pretense.
this retina i have is the 
only one 
i'll ever have 
i don't get another, 
he says solemnly
so we do what it takes to 
keep it. 
he instructs me to 
devote my life to 
two weeks flat on my face,
i absolutely will do 
what he says
because i trust him,
i don't want to 
let him down and 
screw up all the hard work 
he has already invested 
in my eye, 
and..
i would like to see again. 
i am thankful for dr. Yosef, 
gruffness and all, 
for his willingness to 
work on me
caring enough about my eye 
and using his 
incredible skill 
on little me. 
who am i that i would be 
given this 
excellent care?
who am i that he would 
pour generously 
his skill, 
attention and time 
in order that i might have my sight 
once again?
eye or no eye, 
i ultimately place my 
trust and hope 
in the Great Physician, 
yet i am so humbled and grateful
He provided my eye 
to be placed under the hand 
of this 
fiery jewish surgeon
full of chutzpah..
no matter what the 
outcome,
i will walk away 
thankful. 


move over david, i want a turn to lament;)

do i dare say 
thank you 
O Lord my God,
my Rock and Redeemer 
for the suffering?
can i praise You in the 
darkness?
Am i still able to say 
You are good 
when my flesh fails me 
and my beauty 
fades?
are You good, God?
Are you still 
my Father?
do you hold me in 
Your outstretched hands?
will Your rod catch me 
o Great Shepherd 
as i fall to the depths?
who am i 
oh Lord 
to question your 
deeds. 
i am but Your servant.
therefore i will hold fast,
O Lord.
i will hide my face in You,
i will pour my tears and sorrow
my anger and 
my sadness 
at Your feet.
i am not my own.
Hear me O God.
listen to me, 
your smallest sheep.
embrace me.
scoop me up
and whisper to me 
Your unfailing Love. 
test me dear God,
and build in me 
a steadfast heart. 
weave into my being
a character of 
unwavering faithfulness.
pull off the layers of 
pride and self pity. 
make me shine like the 
noon day sun 
and forget not 
me your lowliest one
with my face to the ground.
i will place my hope 
in You. 
i will place my eyes 
in the hands of 
You, 
the Great Physician. 
fix my eye, 
yes, 
but more importantly, 
fix my heart 
to be 
like Christ. 

precious: of high price or 
great value; very 
valuable or costly
dear;
beloved
excessively delicate
a dearly 
beloved person
darling
anywhere but here