the confessional.

Lily, over at Hock Frock & Lily inspired me to get my random cap on here and bare a few unsuspecting randoms about yours truly. It's healthy, ok? It's not like anyone visits me here anyways, well, except for a few of you faithfuls. and for YOU, I am grateful.  But feel free to skip on, if you are bored.

so without further ado,

I have a secret instagram. there, I said it. only I can see it and no one in the world could ever link it to me. my face is in none of the pictures, and the user name has nothing to do with me either. I just have it, ok? maybe someday i'll tell you in another secret telling rant why.

I don't remember the last time I gave Norah a bath. i clean out her ears and her butt gets wiped clean numerous times a day, so she's good, right?

Nathan and I have had unprotected sex twice probably in the last month. Not cause we are trying for more offspring, but because we were hot and heavy and have run out of condoms. I guess we'll find out eventually if that fleshy decision will produce a little bald headed result..

I have recently let go (FINALLY) of a bitter spirit I had developed towards this girlfriend. [I felt like] we were competing with one another, and [i felt like] she was trying to prove herself to me in every which way, [relationships, talents, status] and I had allowed my heart to grow weary and bitter towards her. I think I felt self righteous because I wasn't doing anything to spur on the competing or one upping (I sure wanted to),  but i knew Jesus was convicting me of this sin and asking me to yank the root out immediately. I didn't want it to grow into hate, because really when it came down to it, it all stemmed mostly from [my own flesh]. I prayed for God to please work in me and remove all this sin and baggage that came with it. Jesus has always asked me to cloak myself in humility, this area being no different. I truly feel He answered me miraculously, because one day I just didn't feel the yuck buck towards her that I normally did. I was used to hearing her name, or seeing her, or glimpsing a picture of her and react with a grimace, a tense heart, and a growing anger and dislike. But one day, it just wasn't there. She does not invoke the reaction or feeling in me that she once did. Things have changed a bit [for the better] between us, but my heart is soft, and I've taken a [stand down] approach. Jesus sees all things and i want to fear and respect him with what is in my heart of hearts. I don't compare myself based on my interactions with her, but strive for holiness in the eyes of the Lord.

My car keys have been missing for over a month now. my passes to the gym are on that chain, as well as the keys to my parents house (from when I lived there), our house, and I am still hoping they will turn up somewhere. it makes me sick that I haven't been able to find them. Nathan's wallet is missing too. we are SO bad at keeping track of our belongings!

I used to want to be blonde with blue eyes SO badly. I wished i was white just like everybody else.
I see girls with blonde hair and think they are the prettiest!

I still hate gum, ok? never will you catch me chewing it.

I am most self conscious about my feet. i think they are ugly. a friend used to tease me and say they looked like shrek toes, and we laugh now about it, but it's how I view them now. I don't think they are pretty and i am embarrassed if people look at them. the only time I love them is when I just get a french tip pedicure and they are freshly groomed..

i had a huge fat boil on my butt once. when I was pregnant with Norah, it came out of nowhere and was the biggest, fattest, nastiest boil ever. I turned into a witch doctor to try and remove it. (really just trying out natural remedies.) I slathered it in turmeric and honey and topped it with a banana peel and would you believe, that concotion brought it to a head and it popped. sickest secret, ever, I know.

Well, now you know how small and stupid and ridiculous i am, well, I am sure you knew that before, but this takes my awkwardness to a whole nutha level.

there's no high horse for me, no sir-ee.

this has been a keyboard confessional, with your host, Bengali Mama.
tune in next time, as B Mama reveals more about her fingernails, dirty underwear, and where she hides the liquor...

haha. just kidding.