there is no fertilized egg inside me
and it no longer has any need for the cushion
so it drains itself,
emptying of red debris.
my brown butt cheek
reveals an old wound of yesterday
an old fleshy bastard
rearing its ugly head
as I struggle to walk from the bite
of his teeth against my skin.
he visited me once before when i was with daughterchild
and he has come once more.
i sit here, positioned ever so carefully
as to not disturb this swollen white growth.
[it's a boil, ok? and its the worst.]
flesh is made aware in physical affliction
and God moves
when my body fails me.
He speaks to me through body cramps
and failed pregnancy tests
and I know He cares
when my ass is on fire.
The Lord has always gotten my attention
during my body's weakest hour,
and here He is again, calling me by name.
I am slowed down,
made low
and I ask Him what He wants.
His quiet voice speaks with gentleness
and He tells me He wants me.
me?
I know i've been swimming in tepid,
lukewarm dormancy
and it was beginning to numb me.
I floated like
a washed sheet hanging on a clothesline.
I blow to and fro
every which way
yet I am fastened to the Line.
Jesus, I do want you.
more than anything.
I want Your light to shine in and through me
and I want a heart of holiness and purity.
Awaken my soul to sing
and let me leave this old body
in the dust.
Thank you, Jesus for speaking to my spirit
beckoning me
drawing me into You
as my flesh is all sorts of messy
and decrepit.
My soul sings.
my soul sings for You.
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