Beauty treatment.

Sunday morning, 
stepped outside into the brisk cold, 
early June never promises warmth. 
Little ones in tow, we trail him, 
the leader of our home. 
We stop, 
running into our dear friend,  
his brown cheekbones slice a line against 
the white sky. 
His eyes full of warmth, 
his smile grows  
as our son reaches for a hug. 
We chat, 
Me a little more quiet than usual, 
Less confident hiding behind my black frames 
taped at the side 
because of a second time crack.
I am all too aware of my half wet flattened hair 
hastened traces of eyeliner  
but I try and forget that it matters [to me.] 
Nathan and him talk 
about God's goodness,  
I float in and out of the present when I am floored. 
The doctor stops in mid sentence 
and says to Nathan, 
"man! Your wife is just so beautiful!" 
I'm sorry, 
was he talking about me?! 
Sweet Nathan, agrees whole heartedly, 
I don't even know what to say 
these sharp looking men referring to me
as if I'm not even there. 
He says again, "yes, yes, I was struck by it again last week.." 
Hold the phone, my beauty strikes people?! 
I stand there like a dummy  
mumble how uplifted I am by his generous words. 
They mean much 
knowing my present image stands in  disarray 
And somehow this kind gentleman 
finds beauty among the charcoal? 
Only you in me, Jesus,  
only you in me. 
I feel so small and insignificant 
Those words are always gifts of honeycomb
I cherish them
knowing I might have once  
thought lost of my beauty forever. 
You have done so much in me, Jesus, 
teaching me what beauty is, 
what value is, 
who I am in You.
I hold loosely to my outer beauty 
because I know it fades, 
easily to be stripped and removed 
if there is anything to be found in me 
that is seen as beautiful 
it is absolutely Your  Hand. 
i claim none of it. 
the beauty found in a quiet and lovely spirit  
the beauty found in a broken and desperate need for God 
the beauty found in the weak and transparent spirit 
is what I long for. 
Absolutely it lifts my heart 
when there is appreciation  
in my temple decorations, 
But it is the admiration found 
in Who dwells inside 
is what 
means more.