sweet Benjamin, tomorrow is your first day of preschool.
i can not hardly believe
this day has arrived so quickly.
I was just looking through old recordings
of you as a little pup,
big brown eyes that took up your entire face
bunsie cheeks full of color
and you were doing your best to communicate
even then.
And now, you are articulate,
so descriptive and well spoken,
you amaze us at your ability
to express yourself clearly.
You are ready for school.
Ripe for interactions,
for new relationships
and oh, how you desire to learn.
i thought naively that this moment in time
wouldn't be that monumental,
but the more I sit on it,
I realize it is.
From now on, you are no longer
just my little pet that I get to
have access to when ever I wish.
Instead of holding on,
it is the beginning of letting go.
And though I know that to be healthy and unselfish,
it is still hard.
I will miss our morning cuddles,
some of my most favorite memories
of you crawling into my bed,
though I am half asleep,
you curling next to me
your tiny warm body
relaxing next to mine.
We won't get as many of those lazy mornings
because now we both are learning
a new kind of responsibility.
I have to send you to bed earlier,
make sure your clothes are laid out for the next morning,
and actually plan,
instead of fly by the seat of my pants.
And you, you need to dress yourself,
help yourself into your shoes,
and be ready to step away from me,
and walk through that classroom door
all by your 4 year old self.
I am praying blessings over you,
my son.
Praying you bless others
with your kindness, gentle spirit,
and playful nature.
I pray you share the love of Jesus
to your classmates,
and find favor and delight with your first teacher.
I am letting go
I am letting go
I have not forgot my promise to the Father
that if He would choose to ever bless me with
a boy,
I would remember he is not mine to keep,
but mine to steward
and ultimately give back
to our good and gracious God
so that He may complete a good work in you.
So, go, sweet Benjamin.
Enjoy your first day of school.
Enjoy this new season in life,
of Independence and discovery,
your mama will always be waiting
with open arms,
but I shall try not to squeeze so tightly
this time around.
I love you.
love,
mom
10 comments:
Oh my, going to make me cry! This is beautiful... and I'm still thankful that I still have a year or two to hang onto mine. :-)
I know, Linds. I really didn't think it was that big of deal and I even thought moms were being a little dramatic about the whole thing-how foolish of me. It is a big deal, and it is hard, but I want to be an unselfish, non-hovering parent and I want to propel him forward. sigh. This is life!!
you made me cry. such beautiful words.
Benjamin is blessed with a very wise and loving,unselfish, mom. Raising independent, self reliant, loving adults by letting go and encouraging them as they grow is our wonderful role. And you will be so proud and rewarded when you see him succeed as he negotiates his way through life's challenges.
ok trying to make everyone cry now?
it's a tender time, but I rejoice for him;) thank you for visiting, sweet mama Karina!!
Thank you, Kendra, for your wise and encouraging words! That is the mom I want to be, the one you speak of that loves with open arms, and not an overbearing spirit;) I do pray Ben grows to be a confident, godly, capable young man;)
That wasn't my intention, but a few tears never hurt anyone, right? love you Chelsea. And your sweet message for Benny boo.
oh the tears over our sweet, wide-eyed, little benji. such grace.
It was a huge day, but God was so good and faithful and there was more sweet than bitter.
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