let down

you walked up to me 
as i was tying 
my daughter's shoe, 
i was more than aware of 
your shadow
hovering next to me. 
i thought i could remain 
poised, 
calm, 
and unaffected. 
you mumbled again a 
half hearted sorry 
[at least that's how it felt]
and something about having 
those days, 
rough and tired..
yes, yes, 
i had to robotically nod my head, 
trying to be 
understanding and 
rational. 
but tears threatened to break 
through,
and i feared my voice
would  
give me away, 
so i tried not to 
say much
or look you directly 
in the 
eye. 
i was surprised at 
my hurt, 
it's not like i haven't been 
praying about this, 
reaching for 
His wisdom 
and grace 
in the matter. 
but honestly, 
the hurt 
still 
sits there,
and it barely 
let me breathe 
with you 
standing there
pulling out 
another excuse. 
Lord, 
help me. 
give me grace, 
patience, 
and mercy. 
Teach me how to offer love 
and understanding 
even when i 
don't 
understand. 

and please jesus, stop the 
bleeding.