in 5th grade
i found out that my best friend had died
in a car crash along with her mom
and her new puppy.
i've watched my dad fight his way through cancer.
i've seen my mom fight through cancer as well.
and anyone else who knows what it's
like to "watch" someone they love
fight their way through cancer
understands it isn't watching at all.
i have given two unborn babies to heaven
and my heart is softer for it.
i think every time hearts are broken in half
they are put back together again
with softer materials..
i have given birth to my third
living and breathing child
only to bleed and bleed
and threats of my whole uterus being taken away
from me were whispered
and i was left in fear of having another.
i have had a disease eat at my eye
and kill some of my sight.
months and months of destroying the
agressive microscopic soldiers
my eye barely made it out alive
but it still lives..
we have watched a church be torn in half
by two men's pride that had formed sharpened swords
and would not stop slashing
until one was brough their knees.
blood spilled on us for just standing there
between them.
i have had my name, my character and 
reputation
maimed by someone i once considered a friend,
i have never in my life had an enemy
until then
but i don't now
and i can learn to love 
a little better
for even the wounded and barbed wire hearts
need tending to.
i could list more, 
if you'd like..
a neat schedule of hardships, 
trials, 
and seasons that have broken and 
rebroken me 
throughout my one small life
[what human life isn't made up of 
puzzle pieces with jagged edges]
i don't see a near ending 
either..

i think i write all this to say 
i just might know
even if it's just crumb size 
what suffering 
tastes like

and yet i know unspeakable joy 
and i have heard the sound of His voice..

psalms 34.18