the loose time line of my eye-pt 1

today, i take time to remember. where i was, and where i am now..this collection of snap shots are from just before my first eye procedure, to well after my most recent surgery..these might not upload in the correct order so i will try and explain a few..

"..remembering is so vital to our very existence..."-katherine and jay wolfe, Hope Heals


this was a day late in august that i had gone in to get my eye checked at the urging of my friend casey who is a nurse. i had been having tunnel vision and seeing bright spots, like fire works or spider legs in my right eye. i thought it probably was nothing, but i did contemplate going in because i have had a history with that right eye giving me trouble..that day i went in, i was diagnosed with tears in my retina and that it did indeed, detach. they wanted me to get procedures done right away but i did go the next day because the surgeon had gone home for the day so we just missed him. the following day Dr. Gindsend did two in house procedures..a laser surgery to try and fix the tears that had formed, and then another procedure called cryotherapy which he took a freezing cold wand [for lack of correct medical terminology] and insert that behind my eye where my retina was and freeze it back into place. He said we would try that first and hope that would do it. if not, we would have to do further invasive surgery..
this picture with my prescription sunglasses on 
were from after the first two procedures, i still was allowed 
on my neck but my eyes were sensitive and 
raw from the poking and prodding  and major 
PROBING..

turns out, i did have to go with the more serious surgery because my retina was severely detached and needed this to save it. that surgery was to be performed on september 6, 2016. nathan took me and the doctor had to initial my eye so he could remember to operate on the right eye ;) i was in good spirits..at least in the beginning..

 the surgery went fairly well. i was sedated but not under complete anastesia. He wanted me alert enough to be able to communicate with me throughout. i was pretty relaxed through the whole thing while he went inside my eye, removed all the virtuous liquid and replaced it with a gas bubble of N20 which was supposed to push the retina back in place. i did squirm a little realizing i was being operated on and i got yelled at, but i made it through. i cried at the end out of the overwhelming feeling of it all, him yelling at me, and relief that we were just about done. i had to wear this eye patch for a week. i came back the next day and i could see nothing at all out of that eye and it was incredibly painful.

for the next two weeks i was required to keep my head down at all times, always horizontal towards earth, so i spent my life on a massage table with my head in the hole. it was miserable to try and sleep on my face and keep my head down at all times. it was lonely and isolating. i couldn't do anything at all so we really had to lean on others for help as far as caring for our kids, meals, getting me to and from appointments..nathan really served me with all his heart and soul and put his work on hold which really pulled him behind, but we did what we had to do.

 here i am in the hole, as usual..i spent the days listening to podcasts, Rod's sermons, books on tape, and i would sometimes hold my phone beneath the hole and watch an episode. i started the series Friends from the beginning..i also read a bit too. Lots of praying and just quiet solitary time. Time went pretty slow. I didn't mind it for the most part, just towards the end i began to get depressed and discouraged and i felt like i was breaking a bit with the feeling of uselessness, trying to understand my purpose, and trying to seek God's face in the darkness..















this here is casey. she is one of my best friends who also happens to be a nurse and encouraged me to go in in the first place. i am so glad she did. she came with my to my first surgery and then later came when i had to get the gas bubble surgery. she took care of me, bringing me doughnuts, reading me the Bible, rubbing my back all day every day, and offering kindness and amazing personal care. i don't know how i would have survived those first few weeks without her. she is wise, gentle, and i could not be more grateful for her. it was incredible timing that her and her husband steven were here because they live in the United Arab Emerites and they just happened to be visiting the US when all of this happened..

here's my freshly squeezed, big juicy eye without the patch! It was such a relief to have that taken off, although it hurt like hell when the nurse ripped off the medical tape..it took some pressure off my eye. My eye was completely opaque and still full of squishy vaseline or something and Doctor Ginsend said it would be swollen-which was an incredible sign that i was doing the right thing keeping my head down because everything would pool to the front of my eye.

 Go ahead and take a good long ogling stare at my crusty life here. i could not have felt more yuck, unattractive, not even worth speaking too..i lost all beauty-i felt- and was super confident in my looks. not that i susally am, but at least in normal like i am hopeful..here, it was lost. I had to rely on my wit and..gasp..personality!

At least i was able to smile every once in a while...there was plenty of gifts to focus on instead of wolllowing about my fat juicy eye...















I had to wear this neon green hand cuff at all times until finally it just fell off. it warned everyone i was a walking gas bubble home..

sweet little Benjamin would sit beneath the table where my head poked through and would keep me company. He would play battleship with me, check on me, and bring me straws for my beverages. All my children were very compassionate, gentle, and thoughtful. so thankful for them. 

i still did not have a great eye as you can see. the gas bubble blocks my vision and and it will be some time before i can see through it. that eye did not work at all. it isn't even aligned with my other one! [praise the Lord that it is now coming around as far being aligned and not looking so scary to the outside world..] 

Olive would lay with me too, and keep me company. so sweet and it did wonders for my little soul to have them come visit as they were always being shipped off to be cared for by someone else [for which i am humbled and thankful] but i really missed my kids and my heart ached that i couldn't be a proper mom to them..

my in laws came to help from Tennessee, nathan had a wedding in Colorado so my brother and sister in law along with my nephew Felix came to visit/help/take care of all of us.  it really was a gift to be given delicious home cooked meals, chat time with my sister in law, and lots of help with the kids and everything in between.

i could not stand that massage table after being on it two weeks straight so i graduated myself to the bed and still kept my head down in a pillow which helped a little. After the two weeks head down, i was given the gift of 4 hours head up and then back down. those 4 hours came just in the nick of time too because i was going crazy!!

Nathan would lay with me sometimes and we would listen to a sermon together or a comedian or something so i wouldn't feel so alone. He was such a rock of support to me. He served me, gave me back and neck massages almost every single night, he cooked and cleaned, blow dryed my hair for me, and every single little and big thing you can imagine. I was humbled every day to be served and loved so amazingly by him. it was hard sometimes to receive it so i would be mean and crotchety because pride..but i swallowed it more times than i can count. i had to.