subtle shift

this morning i woke up 
remembering i had to get to my friend stephanie's farm 
to pick up a crate of fresh produce. 
i thought, 
i would love to surprise her with some 
coffee creamer and maybe some 
chocolate 
and that brought this 
tiny fresh excitement 
that i could bless her in even 
the smallest of ways. 
i pulled myself out of bed
after a quick joyful romp with 
my husband  
and turned on the oven. 
i unpacked cinnamon rolls from the can 
and stuffed them all snug 
in a round cake pan.
i began to clean. 
i unloaded the dishwasher 
and swiped down counters. 
i made coffee for my husband 
as he was preparing his gear 
for a long day at work. 
a tiny little plant
of joy 
sat in my heart
i know it was barely alive 
but i felt little drops of Living Water 
sprinkle on top
of my very dry, crumpled up
curled up leaves. 
i looked up a scripture to 
display on the white board-
i find it so encouraging to walk past it 
and read it every single time, 
tucking it down into my heart. 
His Words do not 
return void. 
i am looking back on this morning 
and frightened to even think it-
but i do:
could this be..
the shift i was waiting for?
has He begun to pull me out 
of the deep pit of depression 
and placed my feet on 
solid, joyful ground?
a week ago even i was consumed with 
a downcast spirit. 
i could think about no one or anything 
except my stacked up pile
of anxiety and fear. 
i have not been myself for 6 months. 
i have been on the verge of 
taking medication 
for depression 
my feet dragging in uncertainty 
feeling little peace in my spirit. 
six long months 
of wollowing in isolation, 
sadness, 
and lack of any kind of motivation to do 
anything.
Lord, this tiny joy is like a butterfly. 
i do not want to scare it away. 
please allow it to stay. 
You say the joy of the Lord 
is my strength. 
i know that to be true. 
for i have been weak and helpless 
without it. 
Lord, Lord. 
be my joy and my salvation. 
grant me more 
good days 
like this one.