more.

qualities you possess that i did not know were important to me 
but they are:

i can leave you with my family, my friends, my cousins and uncles, and you take the time to engage, carry on conversation, listen well, and i do not have to fear you will not be kind, considerate, bored, or disrespectful. 

you are a patient dad, who does not quickly lose your temper. you answer the onslaught of constant questions, you pull yourself up the stairs to fix broken tapes that are jammed, you build immaculate forts, you lay on the floor as little feet stomp and jump on you as if you are a trampoline, your hair is ruffled, little screams of "more, more!" and though you are tired, exhausted, and over worked, you never turn away the little ones who can never have enough of you. you remind me most of Jesus when you father your children with incredible selfless love. 

in the public arena, i am never embarrassed or secretly cringing at your words and actions. i do not have to be nervous that you will come across as arrogant, overbearing, and self promoting. you are a leader, who leads by coming in quietly to serve and help. you do a lot of unglamorous tasks to help the bigger picture, never asking to be noticed or acknowledged. you are not out to be seen, heard, or recognized. you do everything with excellence, great fortitude, and nothing is below you or too small for you to enter in and lift up yourself. you always say: "there are always more subtle ways you can humble yourself in any situation" and i see you do this, constantly.

you take out the trash. all the trash. overflowing beneath the bathroom counter, old diapers and crumpled up toilet paper, you pick up snot rags and bearded dragon turds, you sweep up old mashed up banana and spilled soil, you have never once complained about doing this nasty, shitty job. you never yell at any of us to do it ourselves when we should, you break down piles of cardboard, you lift all the bursting garbage bags stacked in the garage to the garbage bin, when i am too cold to walk the extra 3 steps to the bin myself. you are a saint. 

you are the sole provider of our family and work the hardest, yet you have never claimed any of the money as yours alone. you act as though i earned it too, that it belongs to all of us, and never clench your teeth in resentment when i thoughtlessly  go overboard with the budget spending your  hard earned money on too many starbucks drinks and a 40 dollar bottle of perfume i just  have to have. no longer. i refuse to take advantage of you and your finances that you are so generous with, i was being incredibly selfish and inconsiderate. i don't know how you haven't gone off the handle with me yet..

i want to notice these things, acknowledge them, because how could i know as a 20 something girl who is freshly married that these things would matter in a marriage? i had my head shoved up in the clouds, thinking we would live forever off of fuzzy love and sex all the time and going out to eat and being a cute fluffy couple. how naive. 

house payments come along. multiple children, sickness. extended family gatherings. bills. hospital visits. real life. it's all there and how does a marriage hold up then? what happens when one spouse gets injured, is completely taken out and surgery is required, leaving them weak and useless as they recover? what happens when a child throws up all over the floor at an air bnb in the middle of the night and as that is being cleaned through cob webbed eyes, another child get out of bed only to throw up equally as much? it never makes it to the toilet as you would hope. 

you look for a spouse that will not let loose his anger and frustration, that remains collected and does not cast the blame anywhere, because believe me, it is easy to do because i have done it. you have not. 

you look for a spouse that is generous, yet wise with finances and will take the time to show you where the money goes, what all the passwords are in case your worst fear is realized and you can access the bank account and know whether or not you have life insurance. i didn't know ANY of this stuff when we first got married. nor did i even care about it. this husband has graciously, patiently taught me to to care. 

you have so many of these hidden, necessary qualities that i believe, have caused our marriage to thrive, and though may seem insignificant or even commonplace, they are far from it. your character, your humility, your very core in the way you carry out mundane faithfulness matters. 

it matters that you deem it important we make it to church even if you were up till 2 the night before, shooting a wedding and then making the 3 hour drive home.

it matters that your son is worried about his pet dying and not fast enough to eat the crickets, so you catch them individually and hand feed his pet.

it matters that my dad corners you and talks your ear off, leaving no room to breath, talk, or escape and you listen, listen, and listen some more, respectfully and patiently. 

you matter. you matter to me and i am so humbled and grateful to get to be your wife. 
i don't deserve you, and i never will. isn't that the beauty of receiving any gifts from the Father? do we deserve any of them? absolutely not. but here you are. an undeserved gift. an incredible spouse. an amazing father. a man among men. 

i will follow you, my husband, as you follow after Christ until the end of our days and beyond. 

i love you.