she was a house for 
me to grow 
i will give her that 
she let me live inside
for no more 
than 9 months, 
maybe even less- 
until she pushed me out 
and i have not come back since. 
she did not raise me 
she did not fumble in the dark 
when my ears hurt 
she did not call me sweetie 
and tickle my cheeks 
in the car 
she did not take me to Arnie's 
and share a milk shake with me 
with m&m's or snickers in it.
she did not teach me 
how to read 
or show me where the 
purple hyacinths grow 
she did not sew me clothes 
or cut out 
tiny pieces of fabric for my 
cabbage patch doll.
she did not watch me grow, 
marking the wall 
with my inches 
she did not teach me 
softly 
to save myself 
for the one who would be my 
future husband 
she did not pray for him either 
who ever he might be 
praying he would be a 
selfless honorable lover, 
fully committed to me 
and more so to the Lord, 
i do not think she thought 
any of these things. 
she did not help me pick out my 
first tiny bras, 
made of purple, emerald, and navy silk, 
she did not teach me what 
a period was
or what to do when it arrived. 
she did not teach me 
that God was my heavenly Father 
or of His great love for me 
she did not teach me of 
my worth 
or that i was precious in His sight. 
my 
mom 
taught me all of 
those things. 
the mom i know 
is real. 
the other one gave me a small 
womb 
to grow in, 
i will give 
her 
that...