check up

we made our way to the doctor's office,
gliding into the empty parking lot.
we were early, so i prepped my four children:
"best behavior is what i expect,
respectful, curteous, and cooperative."
the kids sat quietly in their seat,
nodding their heads solemnly.
their hearts were pumping with worry-
will i get a shot or will i not get a shot?
it is the most pressing question.
i always tell them as i have learned from
Mama Bear from Berenstein Bears,
You never know at the Doctor!
We piled into the waiting room,
walls white, the soft murmers of the staff 
behind the window.
i am on high alert,
even though this visit is for my
four children,
i feel like it's a check up on me,
an examination of how i am doing as a mother,
a testing of my capability and competence..
[no one put that on me. i put it on myself]
i am filling out paper work clipped to a board,
ari, the youngest is sitting at a table playing with toy cars.
Ben, my oldest is nose deep into
Hatchet, by Gary Paulsen,
that comforts me.
We no soon later have arrived, 
then the kids names are called to 
come on back.
We get put in a small room,
and immediately i feel chaos bubbling up, 
but try and manage it 
calmly.
the kids are asked to remove their coats, 
shoes and socks,
they need to get heights and weights,
another nurse comes in to whisk Norah away
for an asthma screening..
my kids are split in all different directions,
and i try and keep ari wrangled in that small room
so he doesn't disappear.
the nurses are all very kind and cheerful,
very efficient and breezy,
i appreciate that because 
i, myself, am always flustered and just 
wanting the kids to do as they are asked, and not be 
overly loud or considered a nuisance.
the nurses don't think that at all, and ari gets whisked off to
accompany koko, holding Nurse Amanda's hand..
I am left with Olive after her initial measurements,
and Dr. Hofman enters,
his powerful frame taking up the room with his 
bright presence,
he is calm, he is joyful.
I am slightly put at ease, because 
he is a good doctor,
trustworthy and kind,
he is ever patient and loving with all my children.
he chats with olive, asking her questions
and i am wondering what she will say,
perhaps throwing a curveball
[you never know with her]
yet, she is well spoken, answers politely and clearly
"our mom has us do chores because we all live in the house and
need to help her."
[phew.]
he checks her ears and eyes,
he moves swiftly and carefully,
not missing a thing,
yet is so gentle in demeanor and touch,
she doesn't even realize her turn is over and 
he is onto the next.
Dr. Hofman has a way of drawing out the best in my children,
and in a way, that draws out the best in me,
through his encouragement and kindness.
i always arrive heavy with worry, unsureity, 
questioning my own abilities and sanity,
and by the end of the appointment with 
me and my four kids crammed in one room, 
socks and coats and undone shoe laces
littered all over the floor,
i am somehow uplifted and reminded of the 
gift and privilege it is
to be their mother.
a good one at that, Dr. Hofman would say.
i am always humbled and honored by his words.
we made it through peeing in a cup, 
each one of them getting a shot,
[ari was spared just this once]
answering questions, 
shuffling from one station to another,
bodies getting examined and found in good condition,
discussing diagnosises,
all the things,
and as we made our way back to the van,
all of us relieved and 
ready for a doughnut,
i could not be more proud of my children and 
proud to be their mom.
for some reason visits to the doctor feel so very 
marking of a milestone, 
for both my children and me. 
we are all measured, 
weighed, 
assessed, and though i enter the office 
high strung and bracing for the worse, 
it is far from it, 
i get to see good fruit blossoming from my 
4 little seedlings, 
and by God's grace, 
by consistent watering and working the soil, 
the fruit is there, and it is sweet, 
not sour. 
i praise God for moments like this. 
it feels stretching, exposing, daunting, 
yet He is good, 
He cares for me and my children, 
we are all His sheep, 
and He continues to lead us 
to green pastures. 
He restores my soul. 
we leave, peaceful, relieved, 
heading to the Doughnut Den..