Tuesday, September 22, 2020

empty jar

there are two sides of me that are 
at war with one another. 
one part of me is growing, thriving, 
learning through pain and suffering, 
the very voice of God. 
He is present and working in and through my life, 
and i am humbled and thankful, 
arriving each new day with an empty clay jar 
only He can fill. 
and then there is my other side,
dare i say the side made of flesh and weakness. 
i am entangled in feelings and fleeting emotions, 
i try and silence the flesh with more flesh, 
food, overeating, if i could only eat just enough, 
maybe the pain of losing a child, 
or the loneliness that comes in a desert season 
will be quiet once and for all. 
i know that's not how it works. 
these are holes 
nothing of this earth 
can fulfill. 
only the power of Jesus Christ can heal. 
why are there still two sides?
I trust in Him, i know He is my portion, 
but i am still wrestling. 
the sadness and wounds still sit there, 
wide open, 
exposed and still bleeding.
literally and figuratively.
Oh Lord, may Your perfect peace fall 
on me. 
May Your living water fill me completely, 
only You can satisfy. 
Enter into my weakness, 
my brokenness, 
my shame, 
and breathe into me Your very breath. 
I cannot take another step without you. 
I don't want two sides.
I want to be by Your side, 
hidden beneath Your wings. 
Hide me underneath the shadow 
of the Almighty. 
i come to you, 
a tiny cracked, chipped edge 
clay jar, 
emptied. 
only You
can satisfy. 


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