I've been recently searching the Word on the mind, because it seems [not even seems, it has and is] been a battle for me lately to have self control and discipline over my mind. I need to equip myself with scripture to counteract the flesh and the enemy's attack on my mind. As humbling and low it brings me to admit it, I will so that Jesus may reign present in my life and that I always stay in the light and never walk towards the darkness, enticing as it [seems.]
My heart and mind have not been unified, I have not been seeking purity and holiness to my fullest until today. I had a hard conversation with Jesus, and examining my heart and soul, there are chunks of impurity that need again to be uprooted. Praise the Father that He still is able to touch my soft heart and convict me. Always thankful for conviction and the need for change, it reminds me that i am not so far gone, that I don't recognize his voice, no matter how faint.
i guess I should explain myself. it's not really anything new. Just me in my weakness, choosing to dwell on thoughts that are not for me, it's lust really, if we're being completely honest, which I want to be. It's so stupid. I just make up stories up in my head about someone or whatever, and I play it over and over again in my head. Just what-ifs and imagine-if and stupid whatever. If it's not about my husband and it turns into some type of romance or even sexual thoughts, that is lust, it is unfaithfulness to my husband, and it is sin against God. My mind just warps that which is normally pure and whole, into the opposite and into territory I have no business being in. sigh. I hate it.
But that stops today. I confessed my sin before my gracious Father, offering my baggage and dirt, and have asked Him to wash me clean and re purpose my mind, body, and soul towards holiness. He is uprooting and pulling weeds. He is pruning and digging out debris, and transforming me.
I was talking to my sweet friend Nicole, a long time friend and accountability partner, and in embarrassment, and a desperation to be made new, I spilled my guts to her and shared everything. She was so gracious and gentle with me. I could just feel her spirit through the phone, hand on my back, listening quietly, and with an understanding heart. She committed to praying on my behalf and questioning my throughout the week to make sure I am following through with this renewed fervor for holiness and purity. She understands more than most, how the enemy works, how our flesh wins one too many times, and it is safe to share with her. Accountability is so key in keeping our hearts on Jesus and striving for pure hearts. We need help. We need community. We need someone to stand in the gap and ask us hard questions. I am so thankful and humbled for godly council like this. Heaven knows I would drown without it.
And now for scripture. Scripture breathes life and it is literally the spoken Word of God. He speaks directly through His Word and He offers tools and weapons to demolish strongholds.
Here are the verses I am dwelling on. Thank you for listening to me spill my heart. It is so weak. so weak. But even if one of you is convicted or moved to head towards the light, than may my fooldom be brought to the open to bring Him glory.
may Jesus Christ be praised.
Since I am afflicted and [needy], let the Lord be mindful of me. You are my help and deliverer; do not delay, O my God. -psalms 40.17
For He Himself knows our frame; He is mindful that we are but dust. -Psalm 103.14
I am forgotten as a dead man, out of mind; [i am] like a broken vessel. -psalm 31.12
I will bless the Lord who has counseled me; Indeed, my mind instructs me in the night. -psalms 16.7
I said to the Lord, "You are my Lord; I have no good besides You." -psalms 16.2
We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. -2 Corinthians 10.5
Therefore my disquieting thoughts make me respond, even because of my inward agitation...and the spirit of my understanding makes me answer..-job 20.2
In Your lovingkindess You have led the people whom You have redeemed; Your strength You have guided them to your holy habitation. -Exodus 15.13
But now for a brief moment grace has been shown from the Lord our God, to leave us an escaped remnant and to give us a peg in His holy place, that our God may enlighten our eyes and grant us a little reviving in our bondage. -Ezra 9;8
Be silent, all flesh, before the Lord; for He is aroused from His holy habitation. -Zechariah 2.13
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