my eyes looked for 
yours 
amidst the pile of 
crowds and 
slick concrete beams. 
i even went to 
the place 
i know 
you hide 
sometimes 
to breathe alone, 
even for 
just a moment
to hear yourself 
think. 
but you were 
not there. 
i tucked my disappointment 
inside my coat
and stepped out 
into 
the cold.