this morning i was hit with the fearfully dreaded blurred vision in my left eye as i walked the aisles of the Bridge Street Market with my daughter and son. i could not see out of my peripheral corners and my line of vision ran straight into a mirage-y haze, like the wavy wall you see just above a bonfire. my heart threatened to spill into overwhelming panic. i thought, is this happening all over again? now my left eye? is my retina detaching? i stopped a few times to calm myself and breathe. the flashing lights and hazy vision subsided after a good 20+ minutes, and i proceeded to meet with my small group of women as we sat in the little cafe.
next came the rushing in my ears, it sounds like an angry waterfall to me, and i was hit with a pounding headache right behind my eyes. of course. i should have known that was coming. at least in my experience, i have had numerous eye and head things that like to wreak havoc together. i barely made it through our meeting. it was this invisible brute force, pulsing, throbbing, clubbing my brain and pulling at my eyelids, but i tried to minimize it and not draw unneeded attention to myself. well my friends are going to know when something is wrong with me, they know me inside and out, so i wasn't fooling anyone.
we began to wrap up and lindsey happen to have Motrin in her car! what are the chances? i wasn't really sure what i was going to do, i hadn't thought very far past the searing pain, i just wanted to close my eyes and stop everything from spinning. the three of us said our goodbyes and lindsey met me in the parking lot. she gave me two motrin and told me to go home and try to sleep. she gave me peppermint oil to rub directly on my forehead and temples and it honestly felt like anointing oil. any relief was welcome. she pointed to the unopened Fiji water in my hand [again, another gift], and commanded me to guzzle that whole thing down on the way home. water always helps with migraines, she said gently.
somehow, by the grace of God, i drove home without any added injury to myself or my children. i just hoped that Ari would go down for a nap at this much needed time so i could rest and try and sleep this migraine off. Olive would be fine, sitting next to me watching her episodes on the little iPad.
ari fell asleep just as we pulled into the driveway. would i be able to transfer him? would he stay asleep? i laid him down ever so carefully and he wiggled into a peaceful position. my nausea was rising and i thought maybe it would feel good to throw up. at least that's what my body seemed to be shouting. i was dizzy and feeling awfully sick and queasy all while my head and eyes are just clanging with cymbals and i can't think.
olive planted herself next to me as i balanced on my knees in front of the toilet. i just waited for anything to come out. i thought maybe the migraine would spill out my mouth and i would feel better. olive put her little hand on my forehead and began to pray for me. so sweet and precious and h u m b l i n g.
we moved to the bed and i had to lay down and just focus on breathing. i drank some more water and closed my eyes. ari did not stir for the next 2 1/2 hours and i fitfully slept, but i did sleep. olive ate fruit snacks and asked me through my haze if it was ok if she watched another one, and i mumbled a yes. and another yes. and another.
i woke up some hours later and i felt considerable relief. my eyes still hurt, but the pain had dulled. wow, wow. thank you so much Jesus! the morning was bizarre and hard, but i just look at this as a story of how God looked out for me so personally! the medicine! lindsey! ari sleeping just enough time so i could sleep! the iPad charged for olive! the water! her prayer for me! God answering her and even my desperate prayers too! ari did not stir until i had gotten up to use the bathroom and i heard him chatting to himself. another gift. another Him looking out..
my take away is God looks out for me. He cares. He sees. and i am important enough to Him to tend to my little migraine needs. i am so thankful and all i can do is praise Him.
that's all. i don't even know why i had to write this down, i just want to remind myself of His love that is so kind and personal. it humbles me and brings me joy.
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