flare

i gently made my way 
over the mounds of pillows and 
bunched up comforter
and scooted up next to her. 
her whole body was on fire,
painful lumps, 
hard as gobstoppers
grabbing at her skin and 
peppered all over the back of her skull 
and desperately trying to form 
at her temples too.
her hands were swollen and pale, 
the rings on her fingers choking 
the blood flow behind her nails,
her hands had become
icy and unforgiving,
they would not even bend. 
her eyes were soft, as always, 
but pain was keeping her company
and so was insomnia. 
she hadn't slept for days. 
we lay there, 
her just focusing on breathing through it,
desperately waiting for the weak medicine 
to do its one job 
and me recognizing i was 
laying next to God's beloved,
and how do i care for 
His precious one?
"there's a lot of stress around here, 
as hard as i try to keep it at bay,"
she manages to speak, 
as though to explain 
the logic of this lupus flareup. 
oh, little darling, 
i am sorry you are in this bed of suffering. 
you are stronger than anyone, 
but this disease doesn't give two shits
coming and going when ever it feels like it.
she is in the middle of trying to be a rock 
of stability and hope 
while her husband gets threatened every day
that he might lose both his legs, 
it is only a matter of time,
she is mothering 3 kids,
making sure the licenses gets renewed 
and bills get paid
all while fighting this auto immune disease 
and migraines?
how can one face it all?
and yet she does. 
she has been and i have 
yet to hear her complain. 
but right now, 
she is on her face,
her body throbbing 
and that other stuff has to be put on hold. 
i gently put my fingers in her hair, 
talking softly and do my best to offer 
even the smallest piece of comfort. 
she closes her eyes 
and we talk here and there, 
and then i quiet her.
she does not have to entertain me. 
she does not have to take care of me. 
i only want sleep to take her, 
so she can leave her body 
the only way it can
for now. 
she lets me continue to rub her back, 
she lets me rub her head,
little sighs and soft hums escape 
here and there from her tightened lips, 
now gone soft. 
i move my fingers over her soft waves,
into the roots, working my way 
over the entirety of her head,
making sure to step around her 
painful spots. 
i do not stop 
until i hear her breathing
slower and slower 
until i know sleep is now her company 
and i silently 
slide out of the bed 
and close the 
door behind 
me..

rest dear precious one. 
may He give you His peace and rest.