doubt

she thinks me incapable.

she underestimates me.

she expects me to be slow, 

to fall behind, 

to not push through. 

and yet

i have.

i do. 

and i will continue to do so.

she brings to mind 

others.. 

who quietly think what they will 

about my ability, 

my capability, 

i don't need to scream 

i am not that way,

but i can press on quietly, 
as i do 

proving them wrong 
one 

small 

action at a time. 

i have been told i tremble and fear, 

how can i possibly go far without help?

i traveled half way across the globe, 

by myself, 
me, a brown skinned minority, 
to the middle east of 
all places. 

and i managed just fine.
i thrived actually. 

my mother says i have always been slow, 

i could never keep up,

and she must 
still think i will keep everyone 

behind.

i lived in a country where we walked 

e v e r y w h e r e,

loving every single second, 

i hiked all over 

another country that was filled with desert 

and hot sun, averaging 
10 miles a day.

i don't know anyone else in the family who has done any of 

those things. 

i have been told i must be treated with kid gloves,

i avoid pain, and it has been implied i 

am lazy.

yes, that has been a struggle, 

that wretched laziness, 
a thorn yes,

but that is not who i am. 

that is not what i am.

i have given birth, naturally, 

vaginally, 4 entire times

with only my own body to tear itself open

to bring forth life,

and i have done so quickly, 

efficiently, 

with little medical aide. 

i would hardly qualify that as lazy, 

would you?

kid gloves, those are long gone. 

i have endured pain, 
disease, 
loss of blood, 

death, debilitation, 
my share of suffering, 

and i count it joy, that God has considered

little weak me, up to the task 

of enduring, with hope.
so. think what you will.
if your mind is already made up,
i can't exactly unchange that. 
but what i can do, 
is that Christ in me and beside me, 
has given me an immeasurable strength 
far more than meets the eye. 
He has planted me firmly, 
on solid ground, 
and though i don't look like much, 
He tells me to move this mountain, 
and i move it.