scrap pile

i guess i'm tired of the scraps. 
the second thought scraped by 
half hearted commitment.
i want to be wanted, 
not tolerated.
i don't want to be the left overs,
the if-there-is- nothing-better-to-do
kind of time 
from you. 
it seems like
you interact with me 
if only for your own gain or benefit 
if it relates to you  
somehow,
but if i ask for your attention
and gasp-your actual friendship,
i am left with static.
with silence.
not even a considerate or polite reason why.
i simply do not exist to you. 
i am not sure exactly how to proceed
because even though you treat me this way 
too many times to count, 
i still desire a friendship 
with you.
i desire an 
on going happy hearted relationship 
with you 
because there is a lot i can learn from 
you. 
there are many jokes to be laughed at 
together.
i am not sure why the guard is up, 
even though you protest and tell me
you are not guarded..
you can not be nailed down. 
i can't get a solid yes or no from you. 
i could even take the no, 
because it would be better than what you're 
currently giving me,
which is nothing.
sigh. 
please, at least draw a line in the 
sand for me 
so i know where it is 
and i won't cross it, 
only wave from the other 
side.