no pain

immediately after giving birth to 
my first child, 
i was propped to my chin, practically suffocating
with pillows 
and heavy breasts, 
trying to figure out how to nurse my newborn son.
my eyes stung with tears, 
my body exhausted and worn out 
from the past 24 hours and 9 months of 
creating and delivering a baby. 
the lactation consultant came waltzing in, 
took one swift look at me, 
grimacing and my entire body practically crumpling in 
a painful contraction every time the little one 
clamped on my breast. 
she hovered, 
her white hand on her hip,
"it shouldn't hurt you. 
black women tend to have 
tougher nipples."
what the actual hell, lady. 
as if women of color feel less pain?
or shouldn't feel it?
what do you call this what you're seeing?
why would she say something like that?
was that meant to encourage me?
it didn't. 
it made me feel worse.
 like i was a weak mother, 
and a failure. 
thank God, i continued to push through and learned to nurse my son 
and would continue to for the next 10 months. 
you just don't forget hurtful, racist comments like that, 
no matter how hard you try. 
i wonder who else believes the blatant lie 
that people of color don't feel pain. 
i can tell you then and what i see 
even now, in this present day. 
i see them. 
and they are hurting. 
may we be balm. 
and not bullets.