first steps.

"there have been moms who have jumped 

off buildings down town," he said

thinking that would help.

I am not thinking of doing that 

myself, i thought quietly, 

defiantly.

he went on.." you need to be referred to a 

mental institution, 

you scored low on the 

post partum depression test. 

I don't want anything 

happening to you.."

i appreciate the concern doc, 

but i just need an ear. 

a kind and empathetic ear, 

hands to reach for me,

someone to listen.

this has all gotten to be increasingly heavy,

the weight of what has transpired the 

past seven months 

in only now beginning to crush me,

my mind, my body, and heart,

are all out of sync, there is 

major malfunction, disfunction, 

and i just need help.

i am not ok. 

i am not ok.

i am not ok.

is it ok for me to say that.

is it ok for me to set this down.

spread it out. examine it.

lay it out like a map. dry it 

in the sun.

can someone help me. 

can someone listen 

to me.