sat at the small black table
knees jammed close
my eyes averted.
the man with the wire rimmed glasses
wisdom and weight on his shoulders
presents a rare glimpse of softness
questioning me gently,
"how can I love you better?"
I don't realize in my own mind
until that very present moment
how much that question
had soaked inside my heart.
I was only looking for a little
meaningful interaction here and there,
no matter how brief.
I respect this man,
adore him really,
and his affection is coveted.
He is a busy man.
Most dads are.
Instructing demands him to be prepared.
Hundreds of teenage shark eyes are on him,
the slightest smell of weakness,
and he will be eaten alive.
He is excellent at his vocation,
but that does not always mean job security.
Finances, providing,
He is responsible for so many things,
so many count on him
and he is not one to let anyone down.
So he looks at me with a sadness that I don't know
what to do with
and I don't even know how to explain
what I want from him.
I want intercepted bear hugs
when we cross paths every so often.
It means much
to be aknowledged, to be called by name
and to know I exsist to him
no matter how busy he is,
just a little time here and there.
Am I even explaining right?
I surprise [embarrass] myself at the table in the corner
by bursting into a big pool of tears.
I don't even want to look up
because i didn't even know i was hurt.
It started out at as
just razzing between us,
we have that type of relationship
primarily,
with those occasional intermittent soft spots
that i have come to covet more
And all the sudden,
in his discerning spirit,
he understands there's more beneath the
surface of the ice rink.
Dad softly spoke as my tears slowed.
"I have never had a daughter before
so I'm not exactly used to this.
But I will do my absolute best to
show you
how much I love you."
and I am mute that my tender heart
means that much to him
and I get to witness water in his eyes
too, and it was all so cleansing
and freeing, a redemption story in the making
and heaven knows how much
I love those.
To love
and be loved
is one of the greatest gifts.
4 comments:
...once again, I am left teary eyed one of your posts. So beautiful!
Also- we miss you guys. Are you home yet? Let me know when you are- we want to have you over!
Wow, Shaina! YOU bless me with your kind words. They mean so much! We miss you and Elliott boy and want to see your new home and eat dinner with you!! We leave tommorow so lets find each other soon, yes?
you have a rare and sweet family jana kay. love these (not-so-)little moments.
wow, tamm, thanks for your words. these little moments do mean much and I am thankful. You're coming with me next time..
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